Drowning

I lie here staring at the cracks in the wall. How did I end up in this place? It really doesn’t make much sense at all. Two years of marriage right down the fucking drain, I really must be quite insane. My life’s in pieces, blown away by the wind. I find myself with no personal space and really I have no expectation to this grace. I’m a squatter cohabiting with “friends”, struggling to stay afloat and everyone knows that I can’t swim. I choke on the pain consuming me, pulling me down to the depths of this sea.

Broken

I come here and lie at the feet of a disinterested deity, bound and broken. I have arrived at this place and been left for dead. Did I not work hard enough in life that I may find peace in death? I just wish to rest. Sleep an eternity of dreamless nothing. Escape the darkness of an evil existence. My very being has been tainted by the disease of humanity. I feel so cold, it's so hard to breathe. Is it finally time? How close I must be to freedom! I will finally shed the burden of this dieing shell and my broken mind will fall away as my soul slips into the here-after. Please take me into your arms, oh my Goddess! Please allow me oblivion. I am broken, there is nothing left of use. Set me free?

Love Unconditional

Looking back at your broken aspirations and upon your broken faith my heart aches. It hurts that you were put through so much pain and so completely taken apart that some of the pieces were completely lost. You are so beautiful and I love you for all that you are. Please believe me and do not let the filth of the world taint your view of me. You may not know me very well but what you see is what you get. I would do everything humanly possible to keep you from pain. All that matters to me is your happiness. I don't care who you end up with or what path you choose to follow as long as you are happy. It will hurt, of course, but the joy of your happiness is enough salve to ease the pain of my wound. I wish you all of the happiness in the world.

Raw

The music flows through you, radiating out. Your voice penetrates me, driving deep inside to the very center of who I am. My defenses are down and your every word strokes my soul. I offer up every piece of myself to you, body convulsing as you wash over me. The warmth of your skin against mine teases my senses. My mind reels with every new wave of emotion and energy, so pure. Your beautiful voice rings in my ears and I cry out in ecstasy. You are a vibrant stream and I let you carry me away.

Things are never as they seem.

These aching moments of total bliss wrapped in your arms are so relaxing. They calm my soul and send my body into a frenzy of ecstasy. My heart races faster and faster as my breath becomes more shallow. Wonder surges through me at how amazing you are. Your eyes turn toward me and time seems to stop as you offer up a small beautiful smile. I loose control and attack your lips with mine, my hands tangling in your hair. I love everything about you, even your flaws. It is such an honour to just get a few minutes with you and I love every second of the time I have with you. You seem to be so into me but there is this very strong thick wall. I know that you'll never let me in. And I know that you'll never love me. But the illusion I have is good enough for me because all I wish for you is happiness. Please do not feel guilty or worry that you will hurt me because I know things are never as they seem.

Wonderland isn't very wonderful.

I long to be in your arms. I ache to reach out and touch you. I want to make you happy. I love to see you smile and hear you laugh. I do not reach out for you though. You are already very happy with a smile pasted to your face and laughter hysterically flowing from your mouth. And I know that you do not want me to touch you. I feel so isolated and alone hiding over here in this corner. I just wanna cuddle but am left hugging myself. I am still awake no matter my exhaustion because I just lie here and hope so hard that you'll decide that you're interested in me. I wonder how I may unobtrusively gain your attention. You don't even look at me. It's like I am invisible. The invisible girl vying for your attention. And I force back the tears that are racing to flow from my eyes. I don't need for you to feel bad. I just want you to be happy no matter what. But I burn with longing for your gentle hands and strong arms. I adore you and you just seem so oblivious to it. And I drown in the oblivion. It hurts so bad. Wonderland isn't very wonderful.

A Confession

I never meant to tell you this way. I never even meant you to know. But somehow the words found their ways out my mouth and into existence right there in front of you. I can't remember all the details of all that I said but I do know the general meaning that my words carried. And if I made any sense at all, so do you. My body betrayed me. I sat there and poured my heart out like an idiot. As if I wasn't vulnerable enough already. I confessed my feelings with every bit of embarrassing conviction that I stupidly wear on my sleeve. What the fuck is wrong with me? Can't I keep my mouth shut? Can't even keep my own fucking secrets. I don't know what kind of damage I may have done but there is just no way of taking back the chunk of my heart that I ripped out and made so painfully visible to you.