Pulling Together and Falling Apart

Isn't it funny how you never know what you have until you really need it? Gotcha didn't I? You thought I was going to say "until it's gone" and well, that's true too. I always knew I had a lot of good friends but I never realized exactly what I had until my world was crumbling around me. As all the stars I'd ever wished on fell from the sky and smashed all I'd ever worked for, I suddenly had a wall of support and love protecting me. My friends rallied around me offering everything they could, even just a hug and a shoulder. It feels great to be so loved. And as I watch my life fall apart everybody I love is pulling together.

Never Enough

So often, I feel like such a bad child. I try so very hard. My hardest. But always I fall short. I'll never be good enough. You tell me about something I'm doing wrong and I accept it. I try to change it. I stop talking to certain people. I stop posting to certain places. I stop telling you about the pains that I feel. I give everything I have. And still, it is not enough.

Under This Shadow

I know that I will never be as good as her. And I know that I hardly have your love and what I've got will probably be all I will ever get. I love you with all of my heart. And all that matters to me is your happiness. I will never let you know how much the memory of her hurts me. And I will never let you know about the ache I feel knowing that I will always live in her shadow. You're right, it's not fair to me. But I choose this path. I choose you. You can have my whole heart, my full patience, and all the love I have for just this tiny piece of you. I know that you're always looking for something to give. For some damning flaw to appear. And I will accept this as well. My character is always in question but yours will always be secure. You're right. I worship you. I adore you. I believe with all of my heart that you are the most beautiful man in the world. I love you.

Falling

Your eyes are watching me. Staring out accusingly. What is it I have done to bring all of this on myself? My stomach churns with anxiety. I just don't think I can give the world all that it wants. It's such a cruel existence being here. This life holds me prisoner, yanking me about with it's every whim. I stare down into the abyss and I want to jump. Just give this struggle up. It's too difficult and I'm not strong enough.