Neverland

I’m swimming through the cold ocean of space,
Rainbow coloured stars racing past, bubbling up to the surface.
Searching for the first star on the right.
Oops, ran out of pixie dust, and now I’m falling.
Down, down, down, back to the Earth, back to the ground.

There I am young again, 13, lying on my back in the grass,
My parent’s yard, the perfect place to see the stars.
Clear, cold night air wrapping around me.
My heart’s filled with wonder, faith, trust,
The world hasn’t stolen these from me yet.
It’s so beautiful out here and I know that everything will always be ok.

The darkness fades and I’m walking through a forest.
Sunlight is filtering down through the trees, lighting my path.
The cool crisp air fills my lungs with moist forest smells.
A gentle breeze sweeps through the trees, leaves rustling.
The world is at peace.

My eyes are closed.
I hear the gentle patter of rain on my window.
The computer birds twitter and tweet away.
I can smell him, sweet heavy aroma of smoke and sweat.
His hands brush the hair from my face and I open my eyes.
A smile is spread across his face, lighting the dark.
My heart swells with love and joy.
Stars shine in his eyes and I know there will never be another.
Soft lips press gently to mine,
And everything is perfect.

Lost Time

Time slips away. Like water, it flows through my fingers. No matter how much I grasp or clutch at it, I can not obtain it. I only want to freeze it for a short while. Hold it still in my heart for just a moment. So much has been lost to its ever changing force. And it tears at my soul.

What am I to do? I can never get those missed moments, that I long so deeply for, back. I look around at the world, moving by so fast, and know that I will never have the chance to shape your soft clay heart. My being aches at the loss. I cherished you in myself before anyone ever had the chance to know you. And when I first saw you, I loved you harder than I will ever be able to love another. Every time your tiny soft hands took mine and led me down another path, I knew that everything was as it should be. Perfect, care free, eyes smiling up at me. I would hold you tight, and every scar that toughened my heart would soften in your glow. Kissing you was like kissing an angel.

Now I'm just left with the emptiness of lost time. I'm haunted by the ghosts of what will never be and tormented by the memories of what was. And I know that I will never be the same.

I love you my Baby Girl, always know that.