Wasted Potential

I look around at my life.
Every wall strategically papered with posters…
none of which mine.
Opinions represent me,
the ideals of another,
adopted as mine by proxy.

So much spirit.
So much light.
A revolutionary locked in time…
living the lives of other people.
A rag doll,
silent; mouth sewn shut,
sightless button eyes.

Star embers burning my heart.
Restless soul, crying out to me.
Begging for a chance,
to be the person I could be…
So tired of rotting in this decay,
the stench of it all nauseating,
agonizing over my seeming helplessness.

This isn't me.
Somewhere along my travels,
somehow through the years…
This world washes through me.
And I know I can change it;
what I was meant to do,
a story I was meant to lead.

Take charge, take control!
Wake from that deep sleep…
the fairy tales lied.
Make the most of life.
Time for me to grab the reins;
can't allow myself,
to live a life stagnate.

Put an end to this wasted potential.

Overtaken

A simple smirk.

And there!

My heart's racing breathlessly on my sleeve.

What did you expect?

Smiling at me that way.

With those eyes,

and with that face!

You knew this would happen.

Your charm a magnet,

tugging at me playfully.

A bright glimmer,

sweet sweat glistening.

Heat rushes through me,

with your every trailing caress.

Trails of kisses,

my vision blurs.

And there you have it,

I'm yours.

Diffusion of Thoughts

My mind is the paper,
my thoughts the ink.
Lyrical laughter spilling from my mouth as I taste the words,
trying them out.
Repeating them just to see.
Each syllable unlocking magical meaning.
A whole world inside my head,
encased in earnest verse.
Breathe life into words,
speaking giving birth.
It was said, spoken unto me,
I'm god, and I said let it be.

Slaying Dragons

Take a trip. A journey.

Quest beyond the front door.
Trek away from the sidewalk.
Skip over the beaten path.

A new chapter. A fresh start.

A bright new world.
The beginning of a new story.
Roaring adventure waiting beyond the next pass.

Just embrace it. Accept it.

Become. Believe. Acknowledge. Receive.

Lasting Impressions

Smile.

You know why?

Cause when you do, the world has to guess. They can't easily know the secrets lurking behind that smirk. A tinkling, gurgling brook of bubbling laughter welling up from your heart and pooling there on your face.

Keep them guessing. Because you're beautiful. And they should be forced to acknowledge your greatness. . .one smile. . .at. a. time.

From the Ashes: Reflections of my life.

All I want is honesty. That’s all I’ve ever asked for. Who can you trust in this world if you can’t trust your friends? God? Family? Everyone betrays you in the end.

I grew up in Helena-West Helena Arkansas. And for as long as I can remember, I never belonged. As an adult living far away from the place I grew up, my memories are still like nightmares. Horror stories read from the pages of a scary book. People out here look horrified by the tales of my childhood. Always, in my memories it is the worst place on earth. Even in the happy ones. The darkness of that place sucks at the edges, staining them with its fear.

I saw so many wonderful people broken and lost forever to its darkness. I was a lucky one. Even though I didn’t know it then, the way my parents raised me saved me from the same fate. But even with my education, I remember how hard it was.

My world was filled with darkness. At times I truly believed that I was possessed because I felt I could vomit and bleed darkness. Everything was in extremes. Sharp corners and dark shades surrounded me. My being felt dark, to the very deepest core. I was sure that I was quite insane and possibly evil. I had very vivid day dreams about brutal murder. I was aroused in a deeply lustful way by things of darker natures.

I began to feel cold and numb to human emotions. Isolated. I felt like I was separated from every person I came in contact with by a thick piece of glass. Unable to connect completely with even my closest of friends.

And as painful as all of that was, it’s only now that I’ve mad e it out, I wouldn’t change any of it because for the most part I LIKE who I’ve become but I’ve struggled every step of the way to get to this point. I moved away the summer before my tenth grade year. I swore I’d never go back. Then I took a journey that diminished the darkness consuming me. I found a light in myself that I never knew existed. I never would have found it had I not left when I did. And if it weren’t for that light when I returned later in my life, I never would have survived.

I swore I’d never go back but after losing my job and falling harder than I could handle at the time, I moved back. I had let my new light soften the memories of my home town. I let myself omit the darkness. Explain it away. I told myself it was the right thing for me. It was all lies. By the time I finally got away I’d already almost lost sight of the light.

Even though my light was bright it was no match for the darkness that had found its way by to consume me once more.

A Christmas Disgrace

Christmas eve, I lie in bed.

Ghost's from the past dance through my head.

Wish's, hope's, and dreams gone by.

And at midnight, Santa has yet to arrive.

No tree, no gifts. Not a crumb, not a drop.

No holiday cheer to show that Christmas is here.

And there you have, on this cold crisp day.

There it stands, my Christmas disgrace.

Reflections of the Heart

The year is drawing to a close. I feel beaten. My world has been turned upside down almost every day this year. Daily hurdles, utter chaos. Trial and tribulation mercilessly tripping me with every step. The world has been grey. Right and wrong merged as one, trembling strands of fear crushing my chest. I can't breathe. The world spinning out of control.

STOP.

I won't allow myself to fall into this pit of despair. I must look forward. Woven through the hardship and misfortune has been golden strands of luck and delight. Though thin and sparse the strands shine bright in my heart. They bring me strength and hope to carry on.

And I will not be beaten.

I refuse to be broke.

Never allow the world that satisfaction.